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12/14/10

Permalink 11:00:00 pm, by Julian Email , 55 words   English (US)
Categories: Thor

Thor's Fire And the Fire Department

Thor built a fire. I hate it when the fire department shows up. Something about flames shooting out of the chimney. I explained that was what the chimney was for, otherwise the fire would be all over the place in my house. He didn't seem to get it; he said the same thing of me.

09/20/11

Permalink 02:36:00 am, by Julian Email , 236 words   English (US)
Categories: Thor

Tenants Evicted

It went down like this. I am jamming away on Freebird when a petition directing me to sell my drums is flashed in front of my face. It appears that the gophers living underneath my house don't like me beating my drums. I looked at the gophers, Thor... and said Thor is the manager, handed him the flame thrower.

The rest took place in about the same instant. I turned back to the drums and hit one note; realized what I just did; noticed a bring orange flash reflecting off the TV; spun around and took off after Thor; grabbing fire extinguisher after fire extinguisher; discharging them as I pursued Thor, who was in the process if chasing the upset, flaming, alleged tenants outside.

We all got outside where the local fire chief met us. He looked at me and asked if I needed any help. (After all, he has dealt with Thor's shenanigans many times and we were all on a first name basis).

I looked into my house and saw nothing but white powder, the only thing smoking was the remains of the washer machine wires. The circuit breaker did its thing and shut off the power. I looked at the fire chief just as he made eye contact with the flame thrower in Thor's hand. The chief grabbed the flame thrower and left mumbling something unintelligible. I locked up and went to bed.

10/19/11

Permalink 12:49:00 am, by Julian Email , 141 words   English (US)
Categories: Thor

Thor's Wakeup Call.

Decided to have some fun a Thor's expense. I woke up about 2:11 AM and decided to play with the drums. Cranked up the amp. All that could be heard was the hum of the amp and Thor peacefully breathing on the couch. I nailed the bass and 18" floor tom with all that I had. Thor went straight up, bounced off the ceiling, the wall; I caught him with an out of the park home run via a drum stick, through the front door; the screen door slammed him right back into the house and whacked him out through the window. I heard a screech of tires following by a "boing". I think he got hit by a Saturn. He landed back on the couch. I went back to bed, with a Fire Extinguisher at my side. Payback is going to hurt.

03/20/12

Permalink 07:00:00 pm, by Julian Email , 109 words   English (US)
Categories: Thor

Lysol In the Oven, Hair Gone

A bad idea. When I fired up the oven it smelled funky. Saw a can of Lysol I just bought, still on the kitchen counter. The stove is gas.... needless to say, the hair is gone, the eyebrows will grow back. I called Molly maids for the usual clean up.

Molly Maids: May I help you?
This is Julian and I need an emergency cleanup.
MM: Thor?
Me: ... uh yeah, sure.
MM: Ok we will have the crew out in 45 minutes.
Me: Uhm... thank you.
I don't know which is worst, having 911 on speed dial, or having the local cleaning service number memorized... Now, where is my warranty booklet?

06/13/12

Permalink 03:00:00 am, by Julian Email , 92 words   English (US)
Categories: Thor

Thor Does the Laundry

I let Thor do the laundry. I was not paying much attention when he floated by with a stack of clothes. I told him to drop the pile on the bed and I would fold and put everything away. The *SPLAT* was deafening. I have not seen so much water in my bed since I dumped a 64oz Big Gulp in 1981. Too this day, I do not drink in bed. Turned out Thor dried then washed. I wonder how fast my mattress will dry if I put a blow torch to it?

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