Thor

I decided I didn't want to heat up the kitchen and the barbecue was still outside from dinner. And Thor has been on his best behavior, well for the most part, so I figured I would let him light the barbecue. I poured the coals and went inside to get the burgers ready. I went back outside and realized that I had not started the coals. I thought nothing of the fact that the lighter fluid was already out, figured I forgot to put it away from dinner. So I poured some fluid on the coals. I thought it was a fresh bottle, but made a mental note that I needed to get more.

You see where this is going?

I handed Thor a lighter. OMG!!! I've never seen such a fireball!!! I did not know metal could catch on fire...

I get out of bed and find the AC sitting in front of the fireplace with three blow torches. My meat thermometer says 110. Thor, a peace offering? And of course there is the usual knock at the door, followed by, "I know you got them in there! Give them up, NOW!" I open the door and blasted by an inch and a half fire hose. A man and a women step over, grab the torches and make their exit. Laying there drenched, I ask the the Chief if the hosing was necessary. He reply's with, "Just want to help you stay cool." I look at the hose, he adds, "Only the one incher, conserving water, you know."

Shower? Check!

Well, running a little behind I decided to let Thor cook a burger. Anybody know where I can rent a jack hammer? Cast iron skillets can withstand just about anything. Never knew one could weld meat to iron.

-JJ

I am flying toward San Diego when I hear the sound of air brakes. Weird, usually trucks do not stop out in front of my house. So I look outside and see firemen grabbing hoses and jumping over my fence. I grab a fire extinguisher and at the same time hear the all too familiar whoosh and the orange glow reflecting off the hallway. Fight's On!!!

I take off running, forgetting the floor is clean and socks are on, failing to make the turn and bounce off the wall; and lets just say even though I'm single, I'm grateful that I still put the toilet lid down. A quick recovery and we're off again. Thor is now on the run. Grab another fire extinguisher and decide to slide across the coffee table, much like a kid sliding down a hill with a skate board, once again no drag issues (read no stopping abilities) as I slam into my brick fireplace. Only thing that had give was a couple of cracking sounds from various parts of my body. I shake it all off, grab fire extinguisher #3. Now I'm mad. I see the door open out of the corner of my eye (thought I locked it) and I'm full throttle into the kitchen after Thor. Thor takes a right and I don't think anybody saw what happened next, coming.

You see, I have a portable dishwasher, which was in use upon impact. I nailed it hard, about the same time 2000 GPM of water started its path in my direction. No one had a chance. The dishwasher took off flying, yanked the hose from the faucet, partially, sending additional water straight up, soaking Thor. The dishwasher stopped just as the cord was severed. I dove over the dishwasher, with the help of the 2000 GPM water stream now fully engulfing my entire body. I landed under the dining room table with the dishwasher slammed up against the table protecting me from the stream that was quickly engulfing my entire house.

It all stopped. I push the dishwasher away and there was Thor, floating like a stuck piece of lighting. Nice purple glow. He had somehow become entangled in the remains of the power cord. I heard the familiar "click" as the circuit breaker did its thing. Thor floated away, twitching. The Fire Chief grabbed his men, hose and departed out the front door.

I opened the back door so the water would drain, I changed into some dry clothes and finished my flight into San Diego.

My sister gave me a mattress set. I decide having it laying against the wall is doing me any good, so I decided to put it on my bed. However, I note a loose string.

As a former smoker, and a lighter on my dresser (why is a mystery), I decide to burn it off. Out of the corner of my eye I see Thor bolt through the front door. Uh-oh, this cannot be good. About that time a 2" fire hose makes it way through a now open front door.

I freeze, lighter lit. A very well known voice in my household states, "Go ahead, stupid, make my day." I fling the lighter towards the Chief, he puts it out half way through the toss.

The Chief steps aside and Molly Maid's steps in to clean up the water. I put the mattress on the bed. Molly Maid's hands me the bill and goes on to their next assignment. I thank Thor and put some cloths in the washer. I really don't appreciate him as much as I should, sometimes.